 |
"Our mother. Did she bear the mark?" Cybele asked Attis as she lay in the crook of his arm afterward. "Of course." "And she was Isle-born, was she not?" "Yes, and would have been Chosen One after her own mother Cybele." "Is it for her that I was so named?" she asked. Attis shrugged. "I know not if that was your birth name, or given to you on the Isle by some old Priestess because you bore the mark of the Chosen One she remembered. Or it may have been co-incidence, the secret hand of the Goddess." "Why did you say nothing before? I have no true memory of the Mainland, but you do. Surely you would remember me as the older sister raised with you before I was sent to the Isle." "No, I had no such sister. My mother said that you had died at birth, and we even visited your grave. I think though that it was just somewhere she could go to shed her tears of grief at losing you." "Why was I sent away? Because I resembled not the fisherman who murdered my Saxon father?" "Perhaps. Or perhaps because you bore the mark," he suggested. "So too do you." "But no Mainland father would forswear a son. A girl-child with the mark of my father's Devil, yes, but no boy so born." "Is it really so on the Mainland?" she asked in some disbelief. He did not answer her question, but another that she had not even asked. "I know not where or by whom you were raised until you came to the Isle. I had never seen you before here." "What does it mean, this sudden telling of our shared mother?" "I know not. The Goddess has never spoken to me through spirits before. It may be to give us some bearing on our attackers, or it may simply be the Goddess's humour. Who can tell?" Attis said "Does it make any difference to you, that I am your sister?" she asked him apprehensively. He turned to face her and smiled. "Have I not always called you my mother's mother? I knew you shared her name and bore her spirit, and now I know you also contain her blood. How could that make any difference? I love you still." She reached up and kissed him on the mouth, then pulled open the gown he still wore to kiss him on his crescent mark. She recoiled in horror, though, at the weeping brand emblazoned over the red moon. So it had been no vision last night. The face of the wolf stared at her, bleeding Attis's blood, her blood. He gently pulled his gown closed. "They cannot claim me by touch of hot iron," he said softly. "Are you so sure?" she whispered. They were interrupted by a sharp rap at the door. "Chosen One, it is I Jenna." Cybele whispered to Attis. "What does she want?" Attis called back to her. "Enter, Healer, the door is not bolted." Cybele felt awkward that she still lay in bed with him. Of course, the whole Isle knew that they were lovers as well as Chosen One and Consort, but somehow it seemed strange to be seen together in their very bed. Attis seemed to have no such qualms. "Greetings, Jenna. How went the meeting?" he asked. She crossed to the table and sat down without being invited. "Well, Consort. We accomplished much." Cybele snorted contemptuously. "We did? It seemed to me that we talked around and around and got nowhere quickly." "It was not the spoken word that told me what I wished to know," Jenna explained. Cybele realised suddenly that Jenna had barely spoken herself in the whole rambling meeting. "Then what?" Cybele asked her. "Cerridwen was present," Jenna said surely. "I felt it." "Floating in the beams above us?" "No, sitting around the very table. One of those present there follows the Crone, perhaps even two of them." Cybele was aghast. They were all her most trusted followers. "How can you be so sure," she demanded, "if you know not even whom it is?" Jenna smiled and rose to leave. Attis stopped her with his call. "No, Healer, do not take offence." His voice was deep and musical, and undeniably seductive. "Tell us what you know." Jenna stared at him with fiery eyes and a determined grin. "Tell you, Attis? Does the bearer of the Wolf-brand not know the faces of his own pack?" Cybele looked down, thinking Attis's gown must have come open to show the mark, but it had not. She turned to Jenna. "How do you know such a thing unless you were one of them last night?" Jenna smiled. "I can see much from my own small hut." "But you said they were veiled against your sorcerous Sight," said Attis evenly. "Not when you took the amber and broke through their spell," she explained. I could see all as clear as a Summer's day." "Then why do you not know who they are?" Cybele demanded angrily. Jenna smiled again. "You were even closer to the action, dear Chosen One, and do you know who they are? They were hooded, were they not?" "You can see through walls, can you not, so why not hoods?" "Because I see through the eyes of others. I enter their mind to use their sight. I can only see what they see." "Whose eyes did you look through last night, then? My own or Cybele's?" Attis asked, knowing a clue was close, even if Jenna was unwilling to reveal it. "I know not," she answered. "Come now, surely you know in whose mind you dwelt. Were you in me, to look down on my own chest? No, I think not. I would have felt you, even through the trance. In Cybele? No, for then she would not have warned me but just watched while I begat my own doom. So who does that leave? Only Cerridwen's own. Hmmm." Attis always enjoyed Jenna's discomfort, but never so more than now. "Yes, it was from within one of those she-wolves that I watched, but that does not mean I know who she was." "No? But you know how she thinks, what she thinks. You told us you gleaned thus much even from entering the mind of Cerridwen's crows." "She thought little, but for your seed and Cybele's death." "That is all?" Attis demanded, suddenly darkening like an Autumn sky. "Oh, and that you were her leader." It was Jenna's turn to enjoy herself. Cybele looked to Attis in confusion, but Attis stared at Jenna with a furious intensity. She continued ruthlessly. "Do you want to strike me, Consort of Cerridwen? Kill me? Spill my blood on the floor like an ancient sacrifice?" "Get out!" Cybele screeched at her. "Get out of my hut!" Attis stood, though, and walked toward the Healer. Both Cybele and Jenna seemed transfixed. He picked up a sharp knife from the table and stood only a pace from Jenna. He reached up and pulled his gown from each shoulder. It was unfastened still, and so fell to the ground, leaving him standing naked. From behind, Cybele could not see what he did, but Jenna suddenly knew. Attis pulled at his nipple to rise the flesh, then began to hack away at the crescent and wolf mark with the knife. Jenna could not move, but Cybele leapt from the bed and picked up the amulet. She spun him around and pulled the knife away from his hand. As she stanched the pulsing blood with her hand, she cried out to him. "No, Attis. You must not cut the crescent from your flesh, or you cut me too. The brand on top is artificial, it means nothing. If you cut off the crescent, you will surely die!" "And if I keep it, we will both die," he answered her in a desperate tone. "Attis, look at me. Look at me! We are bound, we are one. When you are injured, so am I. And if I die, so too does this child of yours!" It was as though cold water had been thrown on him. He shook his head, and his eyes lost their glaze. He blinked slowly, then looked down to the mess of blood on his chest, which trickled into his groin and down his legs. "Cybele..." he said, as one lost. "I am here, my love." Jenna turned away and busied herself making a dressing for his wound. Cybele knew it was not the time for questions. He needed to rest, and to be challenged no more. The wolf could wait. As she led him back to the bed and Jenna dressed the gash on his chest, Cybele found the coin. She held it in her hand, but no vision came this time, only the chill of the cold metal against her skin. Attis seemed a little delirious, but there could yet be no poison in his wound. Jenna said that she would tend him, but that she needed some things from her own hut. She told Cybele to get Kelle. Kelle would be able to prepare the salve needed to ensure that the wound stayed clean, as she had trained as a Healer herself since recovering. Cybele wondered how much she could tell Kelle. Only that Attis had wounded himself. None but Jenna should change the dressing and see the wolf-brand. It would be too difficult to explain to anyone else, when she did not even understand herself. She hurried from the building, leaving Attis alone with Jenna. As she ran across the settlement, she half-wondered if he would be safe in the company of the Healer. Her protruding belly annoyed her more and more with each day. She had no desire for a child, and only wished it gone from her body. Why had she not asked Jenna for some herb to rid her of the thing five moons ago, when she first realised it grew within her. Kelle seemed to revel in her pregnancy. She and Cabirius walked always hand in hand, and spoke fondly of their Maenwyn. Like Attis, they had named the thing before it was even born. Cybele felt a little guilt at her resentment of her pregnancy. Fertility, after all, was sacred to Ceres, and she was Ceres' Chosen One so her own fertility should be a matter for great rejoicing. Attis certainly rejoiced at it, but then he did not have to carry the thing. She came to the small hut of Kelle and Cabirius. She could hear their voices within, and called a greeting at the door. "Hallo there, it is I, Cybele." "Oh, just give us a moment, Cybele," said Cabirius in a slightly hoarse voice. Ah, so Kelle's pregnancy had done nothing to dampen their coupling then. Not long after, Cabirius appeared at the door-curtain, flushed and smiling. In some ways, Cybele was jealous of the pure, wholesome happiness Cabirius and Kelle had found together. Of course, they deserved such happiness after all that they had suffered, but still Cybele felt a little resentful of their glowing and obvious joy. Kelle bore her high swelling belly with pride. She wore her gown tied highly to accentuate the pregnancy. Suddenly, faced with their beaming smiles, Cybele was unsure how to tell them of Attis's condition. "Come inside," Cabirius offered, holding back the curtain for her. She bent a little to enter under his arm. Kelle stood beside the fire, stirring a simmering pot of vegetable stew, but her cheeks were also flushed as though she had leapt straight from the bed to this more seemly position. "Greetings, dear Cybele," Kelle said. Cybele could not help but think that before all of this, Kelle would never have given her the time of day, and now she claimed to be friend. But then, the lover of a friend should be friend also, and whatever had happened, Cabirius was still her friend. Kelle should, therefore, be free from animosity, she thought. If only she were not so glowingly perky. "I come seeking assistance," Cybele started. "Gladly. Am I not always ready to assist you, Cybele?" Cabirius replied warmly. "It is actually Kelle's expertise I require this time," Cybele continued. "Me?" Kelle asked. "What possible use could I be to you?" "You know the healing arts, do you not?" Cybele explained gently. "Not so well as Jenna, but some, yes." "Jenna is.. busy. And she asked me to get you to prepare a salve to prevent a wound festering. She said you could use her own hut to prepare such a balm." "Oh, no need. It is a simple enough thing, and I have all of the ingredients here. It will only take me a little while. Who is injured?" "Attis." Cabirius turned to her with intense concern. "Badly?" She shook her head. "No. It is only a flesh-wound. He cut himself with a kitchen-knife." "Attis never struck me as the clumsy type," said Kelle doubtfully. "Well, these things happen," said Cybele with a dismissive shrug. "I will prepare you a salve immediately, then, for the sooner it is properly dressed and bound, the better. Did he lose much blood?" "Some, yes. He is a little faint." "Well, make sure to keep him warm, then, and drinking plenty of teas. Clary Sage and Borage would be best. If you have none, then perhaps Jenna has some drying in her hut," Kelle said practically, as she moved about her hut collecting the necessary ingredients to make the salve. "Oh, it seems I am out of Calendula. Cursed be." "Do you wish me to get some from Jenna's stock?" offered Cybele, "Although I have no idea when it comes to greenery, and so am just as likely to return with nightshade!" "Best if I go myself, then. In fact, I may as well prepare the balm there if Jenna has suggested I can. Her hut is far better set for the Healing Arts than my own humble kitchen. You two wait here, I will not be long." She was suddenly gone, in a swish of cloak out the doorway. "We are alone, then, Cybele. Like times of old..." said Cabirius light-heartedly. "Much has changed, Cabirius." "Have we changed so much?" "You are pairbonded like a Mainlander." "So are many now on the Isle. Are not you yourself?" Cybele laughed. "Attis and I pairbonded? It may seem so to others, I suppose. Certainly we are bonded in more ways that I care to admit, but pairbonded? I think not." "How not, then? Mean you that you would mind not if Attis took other lovers?" "Why do you ask? Are you interested in him yourself?" "Very amusing, Cybele." "I told him of our coupling that last time, and he minded not." "Ah, that. You have never mentioned it until now, so I thought you must have regretted what we did. "Would you believe I thought the same of you. You have been the ones playing the happy couple part, after all, not Attis and I. But no, I never regretted the coupling." "And so soon afterward... Well, you know. You were with child..." "You mean, could it be yours? I have thought it possible, but Attis swears not. He says that the Goddess told him of the conception, and that it would be his daughter. Who am I to argue with the Goddess?" "I am glad. Attis seems to be so concerned for the child, so I am glad it is his. I felt a little that I had betrayed my friend that day." "Whyever should you think that? Attis is no believer in monogamy, or else he would hardly have seduced Kelle that day. You have no need to feel guilt," Cybele said. Cabirius stared at her, slack-mouthed. "Are you alright?" she asked as he stood aghast. "What do you mean?" he demanded. "Oh. I should not have spoken. I thought surely you would know, that Kelle would have told you his far-fetched tale to get her to bed. Although my understanding is that they did not even make it to the comfort of a bed." "You are telling me that when they walked together that day, they coupled? Attis and Kelle, who bear each other no love at all? Why ?!" Cybele shrugged. "Why do any of us? Why did we? You can hardly resent them for doing what we ourselves did at that same moment." "But... Its hardly the same." "Why? Did you ever tell Kelle of our lovemaking that Summer day? I think not, or else she would have told you of her similar indiscretion." Cybele had little time for hypocrisy, even from her closest friend and former lover. "It is just that I thought she was the one so committed to an exclusive bond. And now, I fear that it was all a lie. Perhaps the child she carries is not even mine." "Well, Attis assures me it is not his as surely as this one in my belly is. I suppose the Goddess told him as much also. He shall father only one child, and it is just as well, for I certainly never want to carry a second!" Cabirius had fallen to a stool, and buried his face in his hands. "Do not tell me even you have become sympathetic to the new God, Cabirius. Am I left with no supporters for the Goddess? Will the whole Isle pair off and abandon the Temple?" "I will always love the Goddess," Cabirius said in a muffled voice, without looking up. "But I love Kelle too, and do not care which Gods or Goddesses dwell in the heavens. I am no theologian, Cybele, just a man with emotions and desires. And I desire a wife and children of my own, not the communal life of the Temple. Is that so wrong of me?" Cybele stroked his head tenderly. "No, Cabirius. I know that the Isle is changing. They say the whole earth is changing. I have not condemned the pairings on the Isle, I have only asked that the Goddess's rites and ceremonies are respected still. I am not so foolish as to think that time will stand still." Cabirius looked up at her and she saw that his cheeks were stained with tears. She also saw that an erection jutted out from between his legs, under his gown. She did not know what the meaning was. His words and body seemed to be speaking different messages. "What is it that you want?" she asked him in a deep whisper. "Can you not tell?" he replied in anguish. "You tell me of your love for Kelle, so I cannot understand why you now look at me with lust. She is heavy with child, yes, but so am I." "Lust? Is that what you think? Tell me, Cybele, do you never think that perhaps through chance and circumstance we were led apart, when we would have been far happier together?" Cybele smiled at him and rested her hand on his thigh. "I know not whether the hand of the Goddess can be called chance. Of course I often think of our times together, and know that if the choice had been mine rather than that of Ceres, we would be together still. But it does not answer any questions, Cabirius, nor make it any easier. What is willed will be, and we are just players in the games of the Gods." Cabirius put his hand on hers and slid it further upward to his hard phallus, throbbing under his gown. "Destiny is all very well, Cybele, but what is to stop us following our own will and desire?" "Nothing that I can see..." Cybele answered, and fell to her knees between his thighs. Cabirius was filled with the vivid recollection of their first time alone together, in the room behind the altar. He had burst forth his seed into her virginal throat, the Teacher under command of his former pupil. How he had wanted her then, and still did now, despite his love and affection for Kelle. The firelight flickered over their bodies as they stripped and writhed together on the bed. It was raining heavily, and the only light now was from the fire. In the semi darkness, they fondled and kissed and coupled with tenderness and abandon. Cybele noticed with pleasure that Cabirius had not spilled so quickly as their couplings of a year ago. This was just as well, as she took a little more time to peak herself, for Cabirius was not as expert with either hand or phallus as her regular lover. Finally, her back arched and she cried out in passion. Cabirius then pulled out of her and with a few final thrusts on his phallus spurted seed over her swollen belly and breasts. He smiled at her and traced his finger through the sticky seed, as though writing letters on her skin. "How touching," came the voice from the darkness. Kelle! Cabirius turned in the direction of the voice. The darkest corner of the hut, far from the door. How long had she been sitting there watching? He was filled with an engulfing shame, and thought surely the earth would open her jaws and swallow him. "Kelle..." he started weakly. "No, speak not my loved one," she said. "I would not begrudge the Chosen One of Ceres her pleasure. I do not own you after all." "But..." he continued. "But what, Cabirius? Mean you to say you love me still? You wish to still live with me in pairbond? Mean you this was a mistake, a foolish mistake. Perhaps I would believe that of one coupling, but this is not the first, is it?" "Kelle..." he cried in agony. Cybele could take it no more. "Kelle, he loves you, and only you. I am not going to say this was all my doing, it takes two for seduction, but think you well to your own past. Attis told me of the day after Cabirius's release, how you and he did more than just walk by the sea." "I would wager he did not tell you all of what passed between us that day," Kelle replied bitterly. "What do you mean?" Cybele asked her. "No, he would not have told you yet. Perhaps I could bargain for it myself." "What do you speak of?" Cybele demanded. "Your babe," Kelle said. "What of the thing?" "Attis said it would be mine to raise. Mine and Cabirius's." "The twins!" said Cabirius in an inappropriately joyful tone. "Twins?" said Kelle. "Cabirius means that it explains something," Cybele said. "Jenna told us that you would be suckling twins, and Cabirius thought it meant that his own son would die, for he knew you carried only one babe." "So he falls into your arms, but still wishes me to bear his son," Kelle said. "That is unfair, Kelle," Cabirius blurted. "You know I want to be with you and our child more than anything else." "I was mistaken, then, if I thought you had been lovemaking before my very eyes just now," she replied bitterly. "It was my doing," Cybele volunteered. "If you had been present at the beginning, you would have heard him protest and tell of his love for you." "So he was performing simply your command, then, O Chosen One?" Kelle said sarcastically. "Kelle, I would give anything not to have distressed you so. I am a fool. I was angry when Cybele told me of your coupling with Attis, and I sought solace with she whom had once been my lover." Kelle was obviously surprised that either of them knew of her one tryst with Attis. "He knows not how to hold his tongue, then, does he?" she said to herself. "Be not bitter, Kelle," said Cybele soothingly. "It is clear that Cabirius loves you, and that we have all made mistakes at some time or another. Think you Cabirius would swap places with Attis, swap you for me? I wish not to ask, but I think the answer would be no." "I love you, Kelle," he said to her simply. "Do you truly wish to care for my babe?" Cybele suddenly asked her, catching her a little off guard. "Attis said it was so destined, and asked it of me." Kelle answered. Cybele nodded. "That may well be true, as I bear the thing no love myself. Perhaps he does well to arrange its adoption. But do you wish it yourself?" "Most certainly. I would happily raise them as twins." "Would you want it enough to bargain in exchange?" "What have I to give?" Kelle asked, then guessed Cybele's predatory intent. "Cabirius? You mean you wish to swap your own babe for Cabirius, as if they were cows to trade?" She did not try to hide her disgust at the idea. "You are lucky Kelle that your life is that of a layperson, and not controlled by the Goddess. If you had never escaped the Temple, perhaps you would understand my motivation. I want one thing that is my own choice, not done for the Goddess. Cabirius and I were lovers before I became so embroiled, and I want only to seek his touch on occasion, the very rare occasion, when I want to feel for a short time a mere mortal woman. There is no-one on the Isle but Cabirius who can give that to me." "And in exchange, you would sacrifice your own child?" Kelle asked with horror. "Sacrifice?" Cybele cried. "Never! I would protect it with my very last breath, but I know that I cannot care for it and nurture it in the way that you can. For me to keep it myself would do it far more harm than surrendering it to you. And you and Cabirius could raise both children together, as you suggested." "When you didn't need him. Thank you very much." "Kelle, I only want to be with you," Cabirius blurted. "But you would agree to this? To service Cybele like a trusted bull?" "You have no reason to be jealous," he said to her. "Were you not jealous of Attis and me? He is an exceptionally good lover, by the way. Far better than you." "Try to hurt me as much as you want, Kelle, I will love you still. I know well Attis's prowess. But if you truly preferred him as a lover, you would not have pairbonded with me these past six moons." "And I would not be seeking the occasional embrace of Cabirius if Attis was capable of making love to me as a woman rather than a Goddess," Cybele added in Cabirius's defence. "What is so wrong with being treated as a Goddess?" Kelle asked. "Did it bother you not that Attis cared not who you were when he coupled with you?" she replied. "How would you know Attis's manner with me?" Kelle asked defiantly. "Have I not coupled with him myself enough to know?" Cybele asked her. "He has told me the reason he coupled with you, and I know him well enough to know that he would have done as much had you been Jenna, Cabirius, or a cow in the field. It was the babe you carry that called him to couple with you, not your own fair face." "Truce!" cried Cabirius suddenly. "This does none of us any good for you to spat like two cats." Both women stood in sullen silence. "I consent to your exchange, then, Cybele," Kelle said at length. "I shall care for your babe as my own, and you may have Cabirius to your bed whenever you desire him. The only condition is that in all other ways, he stays bonded to me. And when you couple with him, you must wear a sack on your head." Cybele's jaw dropped. "What?!" she cried, but then Kelle burst into tittering laughter. "I was jesting you. About the sack, anyways." She stopped her laughter and held out her hand. "A truce, then?" Cybele eyed her somewhat suspiciously. "You will take my babe?" Kelle nodded. "Could take it now, by any chance? I grow tired of it already. Must I really carry the wretched thing another full three moons?" Kelle broke into laughter again, and Cybele smiled and reached to accept her hand. Cabirius laughed also, and the three of them fell into a joint embrace. "Let us drink on it!" Cabirius suggested, and took some ceramic flagons from a shelf. "Cider, wine, juniper spirit or honey mead?" "Cabirius!" cried Cybele. "You have been living with a laywoman all too long, that you now take spirits! Are you Priest no more, that you cloud your mind with wine?" "Cybele, Cybele," he chided. "What harm does it do? There are no Moon-services for many nights yet. Any pollution would be long gone from your mind by then!" "But from my soul?" she replied. "You take the Goddess more seriously than she intends, I am sure of that," he said in jest. "Perhaps you are right. Perhaps She would appreciate me more if I rebelled a little at times." Cybele took a mug and filled it to the brim from one of the flagons. "Hold there!" said Cabirius. "That is spirit. You cannot fill your cup so full. You will be ill!" "Then just watch me," she said, swigging a hearty gulp.
copyright
held 1996-2000 |
